Wow. Okay. Um… Have you ever gotten so high on something that you felt compelled to peel off your own skin, only to find that somehow maggots have gotten into your body? You go to a doctor and he tells you that the maggots actually may have saved your life, as they were eating an infection that was about to not only cause a blood clot, but was also about to spread to your brain. You get home relieved to know you’re not dying, only to get fucking flattened by a school bus carrying a load of Chinese worker children on crack, who, after shredding every atom in your body, veer into a lava ravine inhabited by laser-eyed sharks on angel dust? If this has never happened to you, then do yourself a favor, and don’t see this movie.
Instead of running down the plot, I’m just going to tell you the good points about the movie, and leave it at that. Trust me, that’ll save me a lot of time today. The movie contains one fairly attractive woman, one kind of attractive woman, and one horrifically unattractive ones. All three of them bare all at one time or another, though, briefly.
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| Yep, there they are. Fucking hell, what a waste of a perfectly good campy title. |
Which I prefer, since that’s all the faster I can get back to wishing for my own death while trying to figure out if the movie was written by a six-year-old home-schooled creationist on Heroin, or if it was just directed by one. Either way, I would convert to being a theist if it meant I could stick a goat into a fire and the bastard who created this movie would be stricken with something quick and painless. I only prefer a quick and painless death for him, because he could probably shoot out another movie like this in the matter of a day, so we don’t want to give him the time.
Personally, I thought with a title like that, it would be funny, campy, bloody, goofy, but still kind of reasonable. I was horribly wrong. This movie is none of that and less. Do yourself a favor and choke on your own testicles, and you’ll get a taste of what this movie was, and you’ll also have known the full experience in only a fraction of the time.
This movie gets no stars, and doesn’t even get a png photo of a star to signify that it gets no stars. This movie is a pimple on top of an infected tumor. Thank you, and game on!
