Pushed to the Limit.

Did this movie suck?  I don't know.  Is the atomic weight of cobalt 58.9?  I at least expected to be worthy of a late-night Cinemax film based on the cover, but it made those movies look like they had an $80 million budget.

This movie was called Pushed to the Limit.  I have to say, I expected to hear the classic song "Push it to the Limit" at least once in this movie.  Or maybe anything other than a soundtrack that sounds a little like it was thrown together on Mario Paint, just without the talent to actually make it sound decent.

Here's the premise:

The film is about a pro wrestling queen, The Magnificent Mimi (Mimi Lesseos) who finds out that a gangster is responsible for her brother's death and trains in kickboxing to avenge his death.  No really, that's it.  You know how most wrestling movies in history had some sense of drama to them as well?  This one did not.  If it did, it was lost in the acting. 

Okay, Mimi wrestles a match, very erotically I might add, in the opening credits, to some music that sounds like Ron Jeremy ought to be making spit-fire all over some school girl's face to it.  After the match, there's about five minutes of her meeting someone who is not even of any consequence later in the movie.  Then she drives home to see her mom, who is apparently not supportive of her pro wrestling career.  Minutes pass and I have no idea what's going on or what anyone is talking about.  I guess the plot isn't any of my business.  Finally, her brother enters with a black eye that causes arousal, but I don't really know exactly why, because the screenplay was apparently only written for those who'd read the book and already know everything.  Oh, there was no book?  Imagine that.  It sounds like something Harlequin would put out with Fabio on the cover for unexplained reasons.

Then there's some more talking and finally Mimi walks into the bathroom, without knocking, and catches her brother snorting coke.  A lot of coke, mind you.  And yes, it was that movie coke that looks nothing like real life cocaine.  It just looks like baking powder.  She's angry.  The family has dinner and while people are talking, Mimi exchanges horribly acted looks to her brother, which are more than reciprocated - not the looks as much as the horrible acting is reciprocated.  Then she leaves.

Some things happen, then some more things happen.  Then some other thing happens.  She leaves for Vegas as a dancing fill-in for some girl.  The dance scenes are about the only erotic thing about this whole erotic B-tale.  And I must say that the Magnificent Mimi in a full body leopard costume is about as erotic as walking in on your grandmother changing her underwear and you notice she'd shit her pants and it had been sitting there for at least sixteen months.

Finally, her brother is killed and her husband is in the hospital for whatever reason.  I can't really fill you in on the plot from this point until the end, as I decided to start skipping the Netflix viewer forward at this point.  So, I just got those little singular photos for about every thirty seconds of the movie and put the plot together myself from this point forward.  And let me tell you, it was much better, although I'd intended for it to end with a ninja zombie, but the photos didn't allow for that. 

Basically, here's the synopsis:  If you take First Blood, Hard to Kill, Bloodsport, Kickboxer, Double Trouble, and any late night movie starring Julie Strain; take out any and all eroticism or nudity; omit any part that might have been accidentally good or important to what little plot there was; then put them all into a blender, take a shit on the mixture and feed it to a retarded kid who thinks he's supposed to eat with his asshole, and you have this movie.

I give this movie, of my five star system, one fractured and removed leg of one of my poor little stars who was unfortunate enough to watch this movie with me.  Why was his leg amputated?  Because he tried to fucking kill himself while watching the movie.  See, you can barely even see the poor little thing, and its former owner misses it greatly.  Do you feel good about yourself now, writer and star Mimi Lesseos?  And what kind of a fucking last name is that anyway?